Survive the Holidays…When Grief Comes

Practical ways to support someone who is grieving at Christmastime

The holidays can be the hardest time of year, especially for someone suffering the loss of a loved one. As discussed in this post, grief stress can easily overwhelm and steal the joy of the Christmas season. Whether it is you or someone you love who is grieving, it is important to offer grace. The grace to miss them. Grace to slow down and simplify. Grace to let yourself weep. Grace to take one day at a time. And even the grace to enjoy the season without them. 

Today, I’m honored to share a post written by my friend and colleague, Teresa Bartnicki, MA, LPC-Intern. Teresa’s post, with wisdom and compassion, provides practical ways to support those who grieve. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Many of us struggle to find ways to help and support grieving family members and friends during the holidays. We want to help, but we often don’t know where to start. We are afraid of doing the wrong thing, so we end up doing nothing at all. Here are some ways that you can reach out to and support your grieving loved ones through the holidays:

  • Support loved one’s decisions about how to celebrate the holidays. Give them the freedom to keep or change traditions as needed. Let go of any expectations and provide a consistent, calming and accepting presence.
  • Offer to help with baking, cleaning, or seasonal decorating. These tasks can be simply overwhelming for those who are grieving.
  • Offer to help prepare holiday mail or join them in holiday shopping.
  • Invite the person to join you or your family for the holidays. Help plan an exit strategy in case one is needed.
  • Ask them what help they need for the holidays and be open to what doesn’t help.
  • Respect their need for privacy and solitude.
  • Offer to share a cup of coffee or take a relaxing walk.
  • Listen to them. Then listen some more. Practice being at ease with whatever emotion they may be feeling.
  • Send them a gift. Give them a journal with words of encouragement or hope written on the inside cover.
  • Offer to sit with them. Let them know that they are not alone.

When you catch yourself thinking about grieving loved ones this holiday season, be sure to reach out to them. Remember that they need your support now more than ever. While you can’t take away the pain of their loss, you can let them know that you care and that you are there for them for the long haul. Continue to check on them after the holidays and be present in as many ways as before. One of the most helpful things you can remember is that grief is not linear and grief doesn’t go away after all of the “firsts”. Continue to reach out to your loved ones on meaningful days and let them know that you are there for them through ALL of their seasons of grief.

Teresa BartnickiTeresa Bartnicki is a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern at The WARM Place in Ft. Worth, Texas. She has a heart for all those who grieve and spends as much time as possible with her great loves: family and running.


If, this year, you are the one grieving, ask for help. Share this post with those you love to help them understand what you might need. Find ways to honor those you miss. Remember them this Christmas.


Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

4 thoughts on “Survive the Holidays…When Grief Comes

  1. So thoughtful, helpful and well written. Thank you for posting! Sorry to have missed you during your last visit! Wishing a blessed and Merry Christmas to you and all your loved ones.

    • Marge – I know you have suffered more than your share of grief. I am so glad to hear this post spoke to you. AND I’d love to know what you would add. How have others comforted you or what do you do to take care of yourself when the sense of loss is at its hardest?

      I was sad to have missed you too. I think of you often and pray for a joyful Christmas to you and yours this year, too! xoxo

  2. First of all thanks ERIN

    Choose not to fret over being alone for the holidays. Choose to be happily single instead.

    You don’t have to allow being single this year for the holidays to upset you. It’s a choice.

    Do something that makes you feel happy and is for a good cause. Take the money you would have spent on them and shop for toys to donate to kids in need or pick a gift angel from a tree for charity.

    Dealman –

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